I have been looking at this little “x” on the deck for quite a few weeks, and wondering how it got there. Who put an “x” there with a sharpie and why? Wast it my husband for some unknown reason? Was it a grandchild that just decided to do it?
The other day, I decided to take a better look. I realized that it was most definitely not drawn on with a marker. Still, I do not know what it is. Is it a weeping from the wood? A little seedling that got attached in one of out wet winds? Or, is it really poop from a squirrel or other outdoor friend that just happened to land that way?
This morning I took a photo of it as the words “What you think may not be the truth” came to me. They are words I have come to appreciate as one who can all to easily let thoughts spin in my head.
There used to be fear attached to those words for me. If what I think is not the truth, then what is?! However, through my experience, therapy, and practice with panic attacks, I have come to see that my thoughts can many times be way off from the truth. Bringing myself back to the here and now without judging what I am feeling, is my saving grace. There is something much deeper that comes when I do that. The word “Presence” comes to me. For me is is with a capital “P”. It is another words for Christ with me, I believe. It is beyond myself and something I cannot control.
I still don’t know where that “x” came from, but I will let it be a wonder. I don’t have to figure it out, but I can smile. I can smile at myself for making assumptions. I can smile at the mystery. I can smile that my faith is not contingent of what I think. God is so much more than I think God is.
Blessings!
Christine
